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2 years ago
I’m not gunna lie
your pretty much everything i’m thinking about right now. does it bug the fuck out me, why yes it does. why you may ask well to be honest why should i be thinking of you. i should be doing the complete opposite but my heart keeps telling me to stop and think about you and try and care. but what my heart doesnt no is how fucked up it is to be this way when their is no use. wow i just realized i sound not only super angry and bitchy i guess thats the same thing for me. but like i was saying people always tell you to fallow your heart blah blah blah but right now it’s a little hard. i mean just thinking about you makes me sad and emotional. theres nothing i could possibly do. and nothing i’d want to do. i dont see a point in picking up my phone, calling and just having a conversation. those things don’t exist anymore. and for me to be so dumb to think it was possible is absolutly retarded. it’s hard to hold yourself back and not only that but your feelings. some things are just not meant to be said or revealed because in the end it’s just too late and why risk being hurt when you can always prevent it. i’m not gunna lie fuck ya this shit hurts like a bitch. ya i cant sleep by myself without my sister there or else i cry because i’m thinking about this too much. or that my biggest distraction from you is going to school and when the week ends i become a big ass mess. or that no matter how much i say i’m moving on i know where my heart is. i know i’m a dumbass for keeping myself for as long as i have and still am. but truth is we all do stupid stuff sometimes things we think we’ll never be forgiven for. and ya it’s not easy to make that shit up. but damn you think i put myself in this position cuz i thought you were just another nigga. no matter how much people say things or no matter how much i try and tell myself to let go and move because i know theres more out for me. its still hard. and no one seems to get that. and no one sees the pain im still in or that maybe im doing the things i do because i need some closure and i need someone to talk to and relate to. cuz damn its not that fucking easy to spit out your feelings sometime. and for me thats saying something. damn im glad i wrote this and spoke my peace i needed this and hopefully shit will get better. no more dumbass moves and mistakes. thanks for listening.
-peace.
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